The Grownup Inside of Me.

I finally reached the line of realizing how much I have grown up. Within the past 3-months, I have seen myself at a different angle. Living the life of a grown up is far more then realizing that next month’s bills are due, and accepting the fact that you can’t just drop everything to enjoy a road trip. Independence has really brought on a whole different meaning for me, and I can see how thick my skin as grown since last year … and I meant that literally. Ha!

The circles under my eyes have even triggered the beginning stages of the middle ages that display how fast my twenties will disappear. I am only twenty-two and a half, but that golden birthday will soon arrive. I have always wondered if twenty-something’s ever go through their mid-age crises? And if so, what happens? Come to think of it, my body is starting to dose off around 10 p.m. and my curves do show how digesting fried foods won’t make me look like the sixteen year old version anymore.

My thoughts on relationships have changed so much as I start to mature … relationships with friends, family, and my significant other. Love has shown its meaning in many different ways, and I’ve learned to accept it for what it is. I am a victim of tough love, but I must add that I’ve seen love in the most sincere presence, as well.

Lately, I’ve been running on 4 hours of sleep, 9-hour work shifts, and to Colbie Caillat on repeat. Now, if I could only get back on track to being healthy and size-4 jeans. My body and I are physically at war, though, if you saw me walking up the stairs … you’d know who always wins. I am currently in training to better myself physically, mentally, and spiritually. Though, I think I’ve only got the mental part out of me. My tough skin has left me a little more insensitive, but unafraid. Above all, what I truly crave is God.

A side note, to you:
I sat in my car and cried a whole hour…because of you, because of me, and because I just feel like you and I are so brittle. I don’t think that song couldn’t have played at a better time, because it described “us” perfectly. My mistake was forgetting to pray
that night.

We sat in that room as I randomly played the song to you and deep down I wanted you to get it. I wanted you to feel those exact feelings I felt when I sat in my car for a whole hour sobbing. I think we both agree that it quickly became a disappointment to me as you completely missed the meaning of the song. I remembered to pray for us.

Ultimately, I think our foundation is missing God.