Defining "Normal".

I wasn’t sure if it really hit me, or if his comforting voice got to me. Perhaps, it was my frustrations, and stubborn little sister. Sad to say, but my little sisters can still make me cry. (Smiles) Day by day, it gets a little harder.

I left work yesterday night, anxious to get home. Then it hit, “Wait, he’s not even here anymore”. I quickly substituted that thought with knowing I was going to be able to see my chubby brat, and everything was okay.

Your mom comforts me every morning. Her hugs truly make things a little easier, but it also makes me miss you more. She’s sad that the food lasts longer now. The house has a distinct awkwardness, sometimes, and I start to notice that you won’t “be home later” to make it okay, again.

I’ve been trying to figure out a new “normal”, before everything catches up. Being more involved with school, picking up more at work, and trying to occupy myself. Although, I’m not too sure waking up by myself will ever be “normal”. But, I must add, my back has been feeling a lot better, now days.

A sweater, a shirt, a mist of cologne, a piece of hair (kidding), I should have kept something to wear, hold, or smell. I don’t want to forget you, even a little. I think I kind of already forgot how you look like.

I hope you are doing well, and that when we do talk, you’re not just trying to be strong. I know your weaknesses. (Smiles) I’m praying for you (I hope you’re remembering to pray), and it won’t be too long, before we can return to our routines.

Memphis.

A new chapter, a new life. =)

On a jetplane to Memphis.

So, life will definetely change in about 2-months.
I am ready to let go ...

My understanding is, life will move on with or without you.

I wished I could join him on this journey and through his endeavors, but, for this moment in time, I must not fail to capture the crucial moment this is, for him. In time, my heart will losen, and I will learn to be a grown up. In the meantime, I have your heart, and you have mine.

Knock em' dead. I am so proud of you!!!

A Stranger's Note.

"May you find serenity and tranquility in a world you may not always understand. May the pain you have known and the conflict you have experienced give you the strength to walk through life facing each new situation with courage and optimism. Always know that there are those whose love and understating will always be there, even when you feel most alone. May you discover enough goodness in others to believe in a world of peace. May a kind word, a reassuring touch, and a warm smile be yours everyday of your life, and may you give these gifts as well as receive them."

Remember the sunshine when the storm seems unending ...

Who ever left this note on my desk this morning, it was a reminder. Thank you!
I needed to take a step back, to breathe, and to truly understand that above all the unstoppable pain, I am here, and I am alive.

Sharing is Caring.

Mercy Me will be in town in a few weeks. (June 14) I am quite excited, because for the first time, I get to bring Tu along.

I remembered, the last time I got to go to a Mercy Me concert was a few years ago with three of my best friends. It was quite a memorable one. I remembered there was a huge group from a catholic church somewhere in MO, wearing blue and yellow shirts. Nathan, the lead singer, stopped the music and deemed the lights. Softly, he hymned “Amazing Grace”, and everyone just instantly knew the lyrics and sang while he hymned. There were no guitars, no pianos, no drums, no over powering voice. Everyone sang together while the lights went off. You could feel the cold breeze, and the sound was beautiful. “This is a glimpse of Heaven”, one of the band members said. “No matter what denomination you are, or that you even believe in God, you are here tonight, for a reason”.

And in that moment, I felt God’s peace. I had chills running through my whole body. I want Tu to be able to feel that. I know that everyone finds peace in different things, but I want him to see what brings me peace.

Always always.

Alot on my mind lately. It has been a clash between emotions of happiness and sadness. Sometimes, the most unexpected things happen. I am struggling, yet learning, to understand that God is not the reason why "bad" things happen, yet these "bad" things happen to help us understand God's love and his promise to shelter and love us unconditionally.

I catch myself bargaining with him, in exchange to take care of my family during, perhaps, the most crucial moment for them as individuals and especially as a whole. God isn't a gambler, yet I compare him to some sort of slot machine, expecting that all my answers will be answered by hitting it big.


But I believe always always
Our Savior never fails
Even when all hope is gone
God knows our pain and His promise remains
He will be with you always

Speechless Feelings.

It was a beautiful Thursday morning, and for once, in a long time, I didn't rush to school or work. I had time to sit and enjoy a bowl of cheerios. On my way to class, I was able to sip on a mug of hot Starbucks coffee. I decided this particular morning to take it slow, and to remind myself to truly be in the moment. The sun was up, and the wind slightly blew. I had made up my mind, and parked three tiers away from the humanities building (I hate walking a great distance). Soon enough, the clock hit 8:50 and class was over. I made my way through the crowded halls and walked back to the car, someone (who I wished I could thank) drove by blasting Chris Tomlin's new song, "I will Rise".

I couldn’t move. I shut my eyes, and your peace overpowered me. I could feel your sincerity and the realness of you holding my hands. I have been too selfish. Yet, you are still too loving and sent peace through the winds that blew through my hair, and chills went through my arms as my legs weakened. In that moment, I swore the trees bowed and I cried. I wished everyone I loved could feel this way sometimes. If I could share this short moment of peace, I would do whatever it takes, and I would do it one million times over and over again.

The other day, I thought about that one day that God showed me angels do exist. And though I don’t think the guy sitting in that little green Honda, who happened to drive pass me when I was leaving class, is an angel. I still believe God works in the most mysterious ways, in ways that help remind us of his grace. I thought back on that cold night about three years ago, and wondered if that “angel” remembered me. It is a painful memory, yet, a strong story. Ask, and I will share. =)